i asked bud some questions today regarding me.



i asked,"do you feel that i'm very blur?"

she said,"abit bahh."

den i said, "when you're working with me, do you feel like vomiting blood?"

she said, "no? you like quite steady lehh. where will vomit blood? before i left, you still blur blur. now no lehh. quite steady."



i'm not being silly when i asked her those questions. i just need to know whether if i've offended anyone due to my stupidity, clumsiness or being not able to focus. yes, people doubted on my ability in Polar, and that is the reason why i am so upset.



they sure have their reasons for saying that. seriously, i started to have doubts on myself knowing the fact that i annoyed them somehow. but i felt so accused when i know that i didnt play on facebook more often than they did. i worked on research, but when i took a break to play, they thought i was playing for the whole day. yes, i admit i wasnt initiative enough, but if you know that you'll be a hindrance than of help, would you still offer any help or show any initiation?



i know it's stupid to do silly things because of what others have said. however, that moment of folly came into my mind. i wanted to end my life, or even hurt myself just to relieve the hurt im having within. yes, im silly.



just 1 more week and i'll be freed.

thanks bud, and "bf" for being there for me when im down.(:



i'm still hanging on, regardless of this or r/s.