the reason why i'm blogging now is because i seriously dont feel very good? cause' i kinda feel that my shoulders are heavy, somehow to the extreme that i cant breathe. dunch try to care or else i'll be v fuck'd up. sighs. yes, i'm both physically and emotionally drained. i'm tired of the things going on around me, really am tired. jealousy intruded my heart when i saw the both of them just now, again. just what's going on, and why am i feeling this way? he has moved on and i should be feeling happy for him, no? and why should i still feel sore that i've lost him? why do i still think about him when i saw them together? and why do i still feel so vulnerable within to just collapse and hoping to cry in the arms of no one? yes, i feel terrible, very. why am i still behaving in such a way when i'm moving on? why? it's been 5mths since that breakup. 5 mths, and why isnt this length of time allows me to let go of that bastard. why? why am i still thinking about him when it's completely fruitless? all these are the questions spinning round my head and yet, i've found no answers to them, at all. why cant i just open that stupid heart for someone else? you know it's over. but why are you still so persistant! and jiahui, what are you treating jr as? ask yourself what you've been doing all this while. and what about the promises i've made to myself? where are they? are you doing the right thing at all? are you? the answer is no, not at all. and ask yourself whether you've been working hard. words which are said yet undone are useless. and yes, you're one useless creature that never fulfils the promises you've made to yourself. and money. ask yourself if you've been controlling what you are spending on, especially handphone bills. see yourself in the mirror, and you know how much you need money. what exactly have you turn out to be? have you ever give in your best in everything? in studies, work and matters of heart. have you ever been giving your best! have you! somehow i wish i could just tell my mind to "shut the fuck up" because it's been giving me so much stress and pressure. really. and yes, i really didnt give in my best in the things i do. not at all. and i know i can do better.