all i want is to be alone.

i realised i've become an even more quiet person than before. dunch feel like talking when everyone's holding an interesting conversation. i dunch enjoy standing with my group of friends anymore. im sorry to friends who tried to make me smile but all i did was patronising them with one fake smile. i didnt know why i prefer to be alone nowadays and have been becoming more dependent on my earpiece and hp(i cant live without them anymore). perhaps im starting to get more introverted? is it good or is it bad?

everyone has been telling me to cheer up. i appreciate their care and really thank them for their concern. but, i believe, no one can really help me unless i lend a hand to myself in order to be freed from this.

occassionally, friends tend to ask me why im always working and asked if i feel tired studying and working at the same time. seriously, who isnt tired? i myself am very tired having to study and work, reaching home late and having to wake up early in the morning for the lessons next day.despite that fact, somehow i feel that perhaps work can at the very least, reduce 80% of the memories flashing in my mind. i may be quiet at work, but at least those thoughts in my mind is all about work, work and work. if anyone of you see me wiping things and doing sth non-stop without allowing myself to have any break, you'll know that im actually using work to occupy my mind. at least when im doing work, certain things can be omitted for the time being. even if it's for the moment, im contented too.

i am very tired today, but im satisfied with this kind of fatigue as tired-ness stops me from thinking and i'll head to my lala land once my head hits the pillow. maybe i should try to work more, shouldnt i?

all i want is to be happy once again.
but can i?
seriously, who doesnt want to smile?
i wanna smile cuz i deserve to, but i feel like crying once again.
i know how to smile, but how to smile a real one?
anyone? teach me?