i really dunch noe how i should help myself. i guessed it's not my hallucination that's hurtig me, it's the truth that i didnt want to accept right from the beginning. i guessed, it's not that im thinking too much. it's not that im allowing myself to seep into misery once again, but it's because of the underlying truth which wasnt disclosed to me. maybe my suspicion is right. maybe heaven really doesnt want me to be this sad anymore tt's why it dropped hint onto me to let go of this past. i guessed my suspicion has further confirmed as you remained silence when i asked that question. it's no longer down to saving the hassle of explaining to me anymore. well maybe i should be happy, happy for you. shouldnt i? dunch even know why im giving my all into this. dunch even know what's so nice about you. dunch even know what's so good in you that makes me not wanting to let go. dunch even know what's so diffcult about just letting go of this shitty past. dunch even know why i feel like crying once again. dunch even know why i had turned into such a groggy person. dunch even know why in the hell i cried for you. dunch even know why in the hell i should treasure you, when in the first place you didnt even try to treasure me at all. fuck all this shit. fuck all the fucking relationships. fuck all the couples who kissed infront of me and show me their sweetness. fuck all the fucking memories that keep twirling in my mind. fuck all the bullshits im receiving. fuck all the pretendence im showing infront of everyone. fuck all the fake smiles im trying to do almost everyday. fuck all the silly ideas i have for you. fuck all the breaking up. fuck all the guys who ditched their girl when they said they'd love them forever. fuck all the headaches im having because of you. and fuck, cuz due to your silence for that particular question, 30 mins of sleep deprived. fuck, im not going to give a damn to you anymore and i swear im gonna live well and good without having you by my side. fuck!!! fuck all the sighs i've been giving out these few days. im gonna live happily even when im out of love. boy, i thank you for nothing!