Baby,

I know the odds of you reading this may be almost zero, but still, if you manage to read this, I just want to tell you how much I still love you. It's the second day that we just parted from each other.. There are times where I know I can survive my days without you, when my cognitive thinking takes control of my emotions.. Im reminded of how strong I can be even without love.

Times when I just cant deal with loneliness, I cant do it. We were out almost every weekends.. It's all natural for me to think that I can still spend time with you on times like this.. I really feel lonely. I cant deal with it. Im vulnerable.. As much as I keep telling myself to jump off the ship, I cant do it. I cant do it when I see you everyday.. I cant do it when I still love you that much even when you push me away.. As much as it hurts, as much as I know I should move on, I cant do it. It feels like I can just keep falling in love with you over and over again.. Why.. Why is this happening to me, to us?

I blame myself for not taking your feelings into consideration. I BLAME MYSELF FOR BLOWING THIS. Why is it that you can move on that easily while Im still stuck here, reminscing and hoping for your return? I realised that the reason for me not moving on isnt because Im still holding onto our memories.. It's because I really love you, that I've placed every single bit of what it makes my heart beat for you into this. I cant do it, I really cant do it.

Been wanting to go to church.. to your church.. to pray like how you did in the past when you wanted me to be your girlfriend badly. I dont know if it will ever work, but I'm really desperate to the point where I dont know what I should do anymore. Im willing to go through the same shit again and again if we can fall in love with each other again. Denial, yes.. Even if Im living in denial, Im happy to do so.. I cant lose you.. I cant stop thinking of you. Cant stop worrying whenever you are out with your friends.. I know I no longer have the rights to control your every move now.. but what should I do.. Im lonely, I really am. I miss having you by my side taking care of me.. miss how worried you are when you know im drunk.. miss the times you called me at night.. I miss everything.

Whenever I thought of our past, I cant stop crying.. even when im typing this, Im bleeding and screaming from within.. that it's all gone. Baby, can you come back? Please?

POT.