devotion kills, in some way or another.

when you're in love with someone, you devote your heart fully on that someone. this is a good thing, something to be encouraged.

but

when the relationship comes to an end, and your heart still devotes to that someone, that's not a good thing. this is simply because you cant move on. you keep thinking about that someone who lives in your memory, that someone who isnt by your side when you're down, be there to make you laugh till your stomach hurts badly, and being there when you need him badly. it hurts, if the knot within you is still entangled.

things will start to get tough when you assumed that you like someone else but because you still have feelings for that someone, you hold back, hesitate and caught in a dilemma. simply because, the heart refuses to open that door to that someone new.

when you're too obsessed about that person, you started to see his image almost everywhere, such that when you see a person carrying a similar bag of his, you'll think it's him but it isnt him. you fell into that love pit too badly in such a way that when you saw someone from far, wearing the same shirt he has and that certain hairstyle he owns, you think it's him when it isnt him at all. and things started to get too ridiculous when you saw someone holding a basketball with a similar walking style he possess, you think it's him but on the second look, it's not. worse still, when you hear the laughter that sounds so much like his, you turned around and nope, it's not him.

and this is especially true when you put in too much in that previous relationship, and it ended so swiftly without you knowing. you're still hoping that he'll return to you even when he already has a new gf. chances are very slim, yet you're still holding on for nobody's sake. what does this indicate when you keep hallucinating and seeing illusions of him?

i cant move on. i dunch noe wat is going on. my heart refuses to open up for other guys, especially "swaroski". im not trying to kid anyone. maybe this is just fate.

still, im glad to know that i didnt break the promise i made to myself.(: