took a long detour home ytd due to the closure of roads for F1 night race. finished work at 10pm but i only managed to reach home at 1am. damn stupid i would say so i shall not go into details about what had happened. had a long bus ride of nearly 2 hrs. wasnt really sleepy so i just listened to the songs in my phone and .. had the urge to call out to someone.

perhaps i was sitting alone at the bus while everyone had their spouse or friend or gf/bf or sth, i sort of feel lonely. yupp, u saw it right. lonely. i was envious of the people around me to be precise. while all the girls/ladies were snuggling in their bfs/spouses' warm embrace, all i did was hugging my bag and had my head down. pathetic, no?

heard some new emo songs sent by my online friends and well, perhaps they're damn emo songs so they sort of refreshed some of the memories in my mind again. was pretty sure that i didnt emo, but well, i sort of think alot.

i wasnt sad, just merely filled with regrets.

sigh. im not sure why i felt that way but i just wanted to call him to check if he is still doing fine. rather stupid and no "backbone" i would say but i didnt care. i was irrational ytd. however, perhaps it's the decreed from Fate, the thought of him being with his gf flashed through my mind that instant when i dialled his number and i withdrew my move by pressing the "cancel" button. i admit i am a coward, i dunch have the guts to face the reality. but what can i do when he is alr attached? it's not possible that he returns, no? frankly, it's a miracle that i can stay this long for him, as in, i cant imagine myself loving someone so deeply to the extent that till now, after nearing 4 months of breakup, i'm still holding onto this. i dunch noe what will happen when the term starts, seriously.

no smile for me today.