on the way home, while replying messages, i found out something which really broke my heart. i pretended to be fine, pretended to feel happy for that incident. yea, i supposed i should be feeling extremely happy. but, what do i say? it's tough, the pain is beyond description. i got shot by a thousands of arrows, but i still pretended to be happy.

i mean, jiahui, what's the big deal, what IS the big deal all about? isnt this parts and parcels of life? isnt this what we have to go through? what's the point of crying when you know you cant make amendments for what you regretted? what's the point of getting sad over someone who has gone for someone else? and what's the use of waiting for someone's return when you know that if the both of you get back together, pieces wont fit anymore? perhaps, or i should use the word "surely", this is obvious that he marked the end of our story.

of course, whenever i hear the song "tonight" or "no air", i'd think of you. no doubt, whenever i see pictures of hitsugaya toshirou, i'd think of you too. whenever i see or hear the word "delicious", it would ring the bell. and whenever i sleep, the last smile you gave that night still stays vividly in my mind. in the past, i said i did try to let go, but i know i didnt try hard enough. this time, i seriously mean i wouldn't look back into the past anymore.

perhaps im not ready. when everyone was telling me that a better one would appear, my answer to them is, "no, i only want him". im seriously not looking forward to the next relationship. i wont even dare to think about it, anymore. cause' one thing for sure, if i get into a new relationship, my mind will still be on him. i heard that to be ready for the next rs, you have to take at least half to a yr to recuperate it's almost 3 months since our breakup. 3 months, and i still have another 3 more months to go before i can totally let go, i guessed? jiayou ba jiahui. make good of your words.