i guessed it's time to have some updates in this blog(:

it's been quite some time since i last blogged here. i've been working like a bull though. i'm working almost everyday and sunctec pepperlunch has attached me to funan's foodcourt's pepperlunch for a period of 4 days. i dunch really enjoy working there though. everything is weird working there. i loathe the working conditions there. i loathe the limited spaces they had for dish-up and cashier. i feel weird working in their kitchen cos'.. i dunch noe, it's just weird.

i was told that my speed for doing the orders customers ordered was way too slow! now, this got me demoralised, i sweared. i didnt get any compliments there. i felt like a loser working there. everyone there was so called the "professionals" in doing the orders. the longest time they take for doing pepper rice is onli 26 secs. i want to be like them! i timed myself the other day and i found out that the time taken for me to finish doing one beef pepper rice is 53secs. ya.. it's totally 2 and a half times slower than the "professionals" there. ): i've been trying my best to improve the timing but it's just no use. i really wonder how they managed to finish a pepper rice within that 26secs. i just dunch wan to work there! i've been missing suntec pepperlunch and i truely prefer working at restaurant instead of foodcourt.

i wasnt aware of how blessed i was when i was in suntec until i went to funan. well, at least at suntec, no one says im slow, and i even received compliments like "woahhs not bad ar. u survived alone jus now and do all the orders on ur own." and things like, "u improved alot alr in doing those orders." what about being in funan? "ehh jiahui, kuai dian. customer shen qi liaos. ni tai man liaos. (eng trans: jiahui, u're too slow. customers are complaining, do faster.) and ya.. i could see that when i was being put in the kitchen, the people there dunch look really pleased. i could sense that they are scorning me and thinks that i am way too slow. ): nvm, one day i'll be as fast as 26secs. i will.

setting aside work, i've been meeting up with colene and xueting when i had the time. true enough, i've been neglecting my bf. i haven been meeting up with him for almost 2 weeks, i supposed. aware that im bad, i did nothing to compensate him. i guessed, i really took him for granted. everyone around me has been telling me to treat him better, meet up with him, and ignore other guys. i dunch deny im a bitch cuz everything has turned into a chaos and the main culprit is me. i screwd up everything. though i had a bf, i went out and answered calls from other guys and not to forget, i replied other guys' msges too. the more my bf treats me well, the more i feel i owed him way too much! but i just dunch noe how i shd do though.. i still love him, yet it's just.. i dunch noe. he has been very tolerant towards me. he even asked me to choose who i want to be with and even tried to push me to other guys just not to see me getting hurt anymore. i've been telling myself i shd treasure him, i shd. however, wat's the use? i haven been doing what i shd do. i haven been treasuring him. i haven been chatting with him like a bf. tsk, just scold me a bitch.

D has left me, and frankly, he is the one that my heart longs for the most. history has been repeating itself on the both of us again. he left me, he blocked me in msn.. everything! i just feel that it hurts alot. i cried alot of times for him, and so did he. but well.. i guessed, we're really not meant to be. maybe his departure is good, too. at least he wont get anymore hurt from me and he wont have to waste anymore time on me. afterall, im aware that loving someone is miserable, being loved by someone is blissed. i believed that if fate decreeds us to be like this, all we have to do is just resigned to fate. i just wished that he'll be happy living his own life while i lead mine.. no doubt, even typing out this, i felt the pinched in my heart, but.. ya, it's pointless. i have to be happy.

X came into this game. well, all i can say is he is not my type and im trying hard to ask him not to waste his time on me anymore.

well, at least i know, i didnt do anyth unfaithful to my bf. and i know, i still love him. i'll stick with him and will try my very best to cherish him. "tsk. i guessed it's difficult", this is wat everyone is thinking if anyone is reading this.