my sore throat jus hurts like hell): hais.

i had an emo-cum-happy day. ard 1 pm i onlined, and registered for the gems-design appreciation. next, we chatted and say wat time we meeting or sth, and his lappy had repeatedly dc, due to low batt, and he had to go to somewhere far to charge it, poor him. hmm, den next, i prepared myself to go to suan's hse for some mahjong.

before going to her hse, i was supposed to meet him, but he din appear at the bus stop, so i went to buy bubble tea for them first, and wen back to the bus stop to wait for him again. he din appeared too, so i went to suan's hse first. next, as jing hadnt arrived, we cant play our game yet, so we slacked for some time and then i went down to meet him. hmm, when i saw him, the feeling was weird. jus weird, and which i dunch noe how to describe. before he passed mi some things, he told mi tt jing and jc saw him. i was like "omg!" but, no choice, sooner or later they'll get to know, isnt it? so he gave mi those things he bought, and i was no doubt, i did feel happy for tt moment. hmm, he gave mi a packet of strepsils, which i needed most cuz i was having sore throat. he took out from the plastic bag and used tt to knock my head. lols. he gave mi a chocolate icecream and its damn nice, but got my sore throat worse of cuz.. hahas. he also gave mi "rubik's". this gift is really really a surprising gift to mi, cuz i had wanted tt one long ago and i din tell anyone about it, except my sis, cuz i misplaced the fake one she bought for mi last yr. and i really wan tt alot, so when i saw it, i was really elated(: im serious. after giving mi those gifts, i wanna send him to the bus stop, but somehow he persuaded mi to let him send mi to suan's hse. from tt walk to the bus stop to the walk to suan's hse's lift, walking with him seemed weird to mi. its jus purely weird. hais, dunch noe y too..

den after tt, i returned to suan hse and ya, i got teased by everyone who's at suan's hse, which include jing, jc, jy and suan. jc asked mi where is he when i stepped right into the hse, and jing told mi tt she, jc and someone(forgot), they saw us walking together to the bus stop or sth, and they were hoping tt we'll hold hands, but too bad, we didnt=D. hahas.

mahjong for about 3 rounds onli, cuz i didnt have any mood to play.. i was in deep-thoughts, thinking about US. i was thinking whether i made the right choice or not, cuz i felt weird when im with him. tt walk somehow jus tells mi tt someth jus isnt right in mi. hais. someone please tel mi what to do. he's really a good guy, i noe he'll sure give in his 100% de, but i doubt i'm able to give in my 100%. this is completely unfair and absurb if i am not into my 100% in this r/s. at suan's hse, i've been thinking, and i'm seeping into a state of confusion and vexed-ness. in the previous rs, i wasnt honest enuff to say out to the other party of wat im feeling, and this time i decided to say out everyth. its better and fair to him this way.. i'm not a nice person, i'm a sinister, i really am! i noe i've hurt him thru this. someone told mi before tt a guy dunch like to be lifted up and den pushed way down again. and i'm doing this now, shdnt he hate mi? i'd rather he hate mi than to be so nice to mi. i dunch have good character, i dunch! i'm a bad person, i'm a bitch u noe, a bitch! i made him so happy and insane ytd, and now, i made him sad. wat am i doing?!! HAIS. i told him how i felt, and he told mi tt he understand my situation. how nice can he get. hais. why is he so nice. i'm not worth it u noe. i'm not!! i'm so unsure of my feelings!! what i really want i REALLY DUNCH NOE!! can time really tell mi wat is my ans for him?

i'm really sorry for wat i've done. i noe i shd be sure of my feelings before going into a r/s with u. i noe i'm in the wrong. u're really a nice guy, but i'm not a nice girl. i'm not as good as u think!! while i'm reconsidering, i hope u'll think about whether im also the girl for u or not. i noe i've asked u this alot of times alr, but have u really asked urself if i'm really the one u wanna be with, even when she's still not ready or she's a goon in matters of hearts? what if when i'm with u and my feelings fade for u? other than this questions, the most impt one is, U SURE U'LL BE HAPPY WHEN WE'RE TGT? hais. i'm jus really sorry... its not tt i dunch like u. its jus tt i dunch noe is this a liking for a friend or a fondness for someone special. i jus dunch noe... hais.. sorry.. sorry...):
i noe u're giving mi up alr. hais.. why do i feel so sad out of sudden?