im aware that i'm not attempting to salvage the awkwardness between us.
and it's not a matter of not wanting to save this r/s,
it's just..
i seemed to have it all rather easy this time round,
that i've been telling myself to leave this matter aside
and shall not be bothered by this.
seems like my heart is obliging to this.
on our r/s; about us.

i know it's going to hurt you very deeply this way because i didnt wanna talk to you much.
and i guessed you can sense it as well, it's no longer the same anymore.
i'm not trying to let you feel that way,
it's just that there's no way i can help myself from feeling this way.
i told you that i cant afford to lose you. i did feel that way,
but not any longer now.
i seemed to have taken you for granted this time,
and am prepared to hear that word.

dont be mistaken that i'm behaving this way because of him.
all this boils down to my fault and i only have myself to blame.
i didnt expect this to occur, really.
because i seriously didnt mean to start that quarrel.
yes, you wish that things could be simpler.
i wished that things would be as well,
but i know i've ruined our r/s in my hands.

however, no matter how bad the situation is between us,
i'm still holding onto this.
i have no courage to hurt you with that word we both dont wanna hear.
because deep down there's still a part of me that tells me to not to give you up.
it's either you tell me that,
or i'll keep hanging on till the end of time.
the outcome might be futile but it's alright for me.

i still believe there's hope between us,
even those it's just a slim glimpse of light i see in this pit of darkness we're going through.
5 more days to our 6 mths being tgt.
i know i wont be 100% happy.
& im aware that your feeling would correspond with mine when that day arrive as well.