same illness

sometimes i feel that readings from horoscopes are more than just pure coincidence. but wait, many a times things just turn out to be so true. when i read what the horoscope says, my first reaction was.. "holy shit!"

"Getting over a break up is no walk in the park. A part of you just wants to seek revenge on your ex! But before you start flaming them on your blog, take a step back and rethink your options. You could be the biggest person by living your life to the fullest. Haven't you heard? Living well is indeed the best revenge!"

this isnt more than just pure coincidence, i concluded.

& other than that, i believe that a part of me wants the attention of the both of them. sometimes i feel that im bad, extremely bad. i'll reveal the darkest side of me.

sometimes i'll find excuses for myself to sms him. yes, it's him. that him. the him that some of you knows. i was sick for the past few days, and there're times when i wish it'll be him that is texting me, instead of my bf. this is not the worse part of me. i told my bf how much i miss him, when i'm disappointed with him not texting me, i believed. i'll try to divert the love for him to my bf. yes, no doubt i love my bf. but.. still.. i aint know what's going on. jiaqi told me about what someone told her the other day. she said, "you wish to have the both of them because when you cant find love from one, the other can compensate you."

"compensate"- an act of a knife piercing through one's heart if you actually do it, no? but it seemed true. that sentence reflects a lot on reality. nothing can prove that sentence wrong. none.

deep within, i'm aware that i wont be happy if i return to his side. i still like him. i want his attention, yet i dunch wish that we'll reconcile. when i recalled how he treated me in the past, anger will engulf the whole of my mind. wait, what is this? did the horoscope hit the nail- seek revenge?

all these sum up to one thing- no idea why the hell i'm such a weirdo.