finally convinced when i saw their pics. happy faces, happy smiles, filled with bliss, what more? yea.. why should i even care? stunned infront of the laptop screen for a moment & tears did well up a little. no one sees. jealousy does kill.

deleted the older messages he sent to me. it's not an easy task. maybe i sound like i'm vulnerable. you might be thinking, " Just messages what. delete jiu delete lurhh. sad si mi sai!"
you're not me, so you dunch noe how i feel.

i keep them until yesterday because those memories are in my phone- fond memories to be precise. gone, all gone. it feels like a flesh being cut from the heart when i deleted them.

bf and i quarrelled over him. for the very first time, we argued.

he saw the pending friendster comments given from ex during may. i haven't approve them, neither did i delete them. bf sees it and doesnt feel very good. that was weeks ago.

volcano would erupt easily if the volcano is tired. yes, he is physically tired. hence, the quarrel. we argued over the comments.

he: i'll delete your inbox and his fs comments for u.
me: no. dunch ever do that. dunch.
he: if you dont delete, you'll always be living under his shadows.
me: i'll approve it then.
he: approve???
me: ya. i dunch wan delete them, den i approve lorr. anw i wont get to see the commments wat. i dunch read thru the past comments ppl give de.
he: isnt it the same? den just delete la.
me: i dunch wan. if i delete them den i wont have anyth to reminisce if i reli let go of him alr.
he: if u dont delete u really wont be able to let go.
me: i dunch wan delete. last time i deleted all my ex pics and msgs, now that i let go le and i wan to reminisce, there's nothing left for me to. so i reli dunch wanna delete.
he: * no response *
me: -.- why are we arguing over this trivial matter?
he: because u dunch wanna let go.

yea. both of us were pissed with each other. i'm stubborn on my side, while he is obstinate on his side. but what i said is true. i wanted to reminisce the past memories of all my ex bfs, but there is nothing left for me to see, to look, to think about cuz i deleted all the msges & pics. i can compromise on deleting the inbox and sent items in my phone, but not this. perhaps after looking at the conversation, u might think that i'm at fault. but never mind. i know what i'm doing.

it's not that i dunch wanna let go. i love him even more than how much i love the first ex. i cried so hard that i almost lost my voice after crying when he initiated a breakup 6 mths ago. now, how would you suppose a girl who love a guy this much to let go in 6 mths time? i took 2 yrs to let go of the first ex, so do you think i can let go of the current ex in less than 2 yrs? tsk!

i'm just venting out my frustrations. this r/s certainly is no walk in the park.

I HATE IT WHEN THE both of you APPEAR IN MY MIND!!!


*i know i found a rare gem, but this gem is definitely going to slip in between my fingers if i do not hold it well*