this entry shall mark the last post about him. im not going to type anyth more about him anymore.. so today's entry will be long, i assumed? hahas.



we've been contacting each other alot lately. but i guessed we're not going to contact as much as the past anymore.. cuz many things had been clarified today. yea.. it's like we're purely friends now.. just friends, nothing more(not even close friends). i can forsee this kind of friendship is not going to be a close one.



though many things have been clarified, my heart somehow still longs to be with him? tsk. however, i told him that im feeling a sense of serenity in my heart now and am really treating him nothing more but just a friend. i guessed this sentence forcefully breaks the closeness btw us.. like even if we were once close friends, now it's back to square, we're just purely those hi-bye friends.



i believed, when u're seeping into an obsession over someone, there's nothing more you can say and nothing more your mind can control. it's the heart that's dominating the mind and soul, no? perhaps this has been the reason why im still unable to forget him after all the things he did or said to me. he may have hurt me, he may have said things that are awful, but deep down, i still feel that he is still the guy whom i know from the beginning, the guy who is both innocent and sweet. guessed everyone must be thinking that my perception is a naive one. maybe it's because my heart just refuses to accept the fact that he isnt a nice guy at all? everyone thinks negative about him, but even till now, i still have not accept those opinions they have for him at all, cuz i believed in my own judgement about him. i believe he is good, he is nice, he is everything tt i need. im aware that he isnt a nice guy at all, but im still not letting go. sighs.



i guessed after the breakup, it's been my wishful thinking that he still wants to be with me.. it's been a month to two, and i only got to know today that he is just treating me as a friend. hilarious, isnt it? those wishy washy stuff.. been giving me moodswings and all. i've never cried this much for a guy before.. he is the first one who really make my tears fall easily. mark my words, he is the first one. there's this lyrics that keep repeating itself in my mind, and it's just only one sentence.. "what you gonna do, just stop crying." yea i will. i will not cry anymore. crying over rs is silly, isnt it?



sometimes i really wish to return to secondary school life.. esp during the times in sec 2 and sec 3. i mean it's really nice to be scoring A's for almost every subject, and there's nothing to fret over, only studies.. the main focus is always on studies, and everything i do is just studies first. been looking at my cousin, and she looks very carefree.. she can laugh almost anything, but i cant. she's got her sweet bf, she's got her studies managed quite well and she's got her work.. she's always cheerful and bubbly, and comparing myself to her, sometimes i feel that my life seems to be a pathetic one.

but well, i guessed all these are parts and parcels of life. perhaps once i overcome this, it shall be another lesson learnt in relationships. his presence still lingers in my heart, but like what i've said, it's all going to be over soon. maybe by breaking the contact between us, it will do me good. im pretty sure im going to miss him , thinking of what he's doing and yearning for his msg to be received in my hp after we break our contact, but.. sigh, sometimes love just dunch go according to what i want. i can still feel that my heart is bleeding, but im still able to give a smile or burst into laughter is there's anything funny.. maybe it's a form of suppressing what im feeling, which is why i can break into tears that easily.

i want to apologise in my blog to kelly. sorry kel, i shdnt have given u attitude the other day. many things were going through my mind and i was suppressing the feelings i had in class, so im sorry that i just blabbered rubbish and saying things that are awful. kel, u're still someone close to me(: and thx mutton, for pulling me away from kel. im aware that u just want me to stay away from the conflict, thx(:

im gonna live my life good, tt's all i want to say. i shall wash my hands over relationships and things over him for now. maybe this is the last entry on relationships and last entry on him. it's 13th of july.. i hope given the 3mths grace period for myself, im able to completely forget about him. jiayou, jiahui(: