made myself very tired before i turned in ytd, cuz my mind is filled with so many things. and onli by making myself very tired, den i can get some sleep.. many friends came to talked to mi about this, and though i was very vexed, at least they bothered to care. thanks friends(:

woke up in the morning, when i opened my eyes, felt tt the sore throat is getting worse den ytd. and when im fully conscious of my surroundings alr, those things jus came haunting mi again. it filled my whole mind of wat i really wan again, jus like ytd. i felt like a walking zombie ever since the conversation with him ytd. hais. i feel like running away.. but i noe its not gonna work and its not gonna be good for both of us. hais. but i jus dunch wanna online, so i did many things to keep myself occupied. the normal mi wouldnt clear my table and tidy up my bed, but today this morning ever since i woke up, i did all these things. i just wanna have some things to occupy myself with. did so many chores, and took many pictures with the cube he gave. tried to fake smile on the camera, but the smile jus cant give it best shot. the smiles i gave jus have the saddness in it. den i deleted all in a matter of impulse cuz i hate seeing myself like this. onli kept afew cube pictures taken tgt with my fav bear on my bed. hais.. cant even take a proper photo, how noob can i get. hais. and i dunch noe why whenever i see the cube, i'd be reminded of him. saw the cube, i saw him.. no doubt, i really love the cube alot. thx once again(: and maybe im dumb or sth, i still haven taken out the plastic wrapper surrounding the cube. i dunch noe why too..

i tot im not going to have tears alr, cuz i did cry my lungs out ytd. but before blogging this, i read his blog, and hais.. tears started brimming again.. seeing how much i've hurt him, i'm not gonna forgive myself, i'm not! i see how much hurt he's been going thru and it jus hurts mi more. all his sickness are back, and its all my fault. i wanted to talk to him so much, but im afraid tt i might jus make things worse again, so im avoiding to have the chance to speak to him. even now, im appearing offline.. i saw the offline msg he gave mi, and i jus wanna say, im sorry if im avoiding u now. i dunch noe how am i gonna face alr. i dunch noe how are we gonna be tt close like the past. i dunch noe alr. we aint gonna play games happily like how we used to, we aint gonna have things to chat about like how we used to alr, we aint gonna be tt close like the past alr.. hais.. all this started because of mi bahhs. its not ur fault at all so please dunch reproach urself. hais. dunch noe why im yearning to have a chat with u now, i wanna play game with u jus like the days before u confessed, i wanna tease u like how i used to in the past.. i wan to have a knock on my head like how u did ytd to mi.. hais. but now... i doubt it's not going to happen alr... u're the not foolish one, it's mi tt makes u foolish.. im the rootcause of everyth!! if u really dunch wanna wait for mi le, i wont mind de, i seriously wont mind. cuz sometimes fate love to play tricks on us. im sorry for ytd's conversation. its really not ur fault for answering a "dunch noe" to my question. its not ur fault at all, i'd rather hear the truth than to hear a lie. im jus really really sorry.. u din hurt mi, its mi hurting myself when i see u got hurt by mi..

u rmb the promise u made? u cannot say urself noob and u broke tt promise in ur blog.. make sure u dunch break this promise again please. and.. please take good care of urself, i dunch wanna see u sick even more. drink more water and see doc if possible.. hais. sorry, and take care..):